You know what is still the most prevalent thought regarding my sister, Ryane. The fact that she will never "be" again. She will never stand by my side. She will never laugh at one of my jokes. Come on vacation with me. Walk with me through the park. Live with me in an apartment, as … Continue reading Not okayness
So much pain in the world. Of course, as a social worker, I am taught to acknowledge the pain, but always lead with the positive. Lead with the strengths, the lessons to learn, the positives throughout all the negatives. But that pain is still there. It's caused by uncontrollable factors in the world. Parents who … Continue reading Pain with Love, and Love with Pain.
I am sure for those who have been following my blog for awhile many of you may think - "Oh, she must be doing better - Her grief most be lighter, her burden not as heavy..." Or maybe you understand the inner workings of grief and know that each day is different from the last. … Continue reading The fallacy of the world
Today marks four years since I lost Ryane, my best friend and soulmate. In her honor, I am publishing something I wrote about her six months after she passed away. Just so you all can remember how amazing and wonderful she really was to everyone she came into contact with. Do you remember? Do you … Continue reading Do you remember?
Ryane, You would be happy to know that I am more myself than I have been in a long time. More of the goofy, sarcastic sister that you knew, the one who would banter with others, who laughed easily and loved hard, the sister you grew up with, that you nurtured, she went away for … Continue reading Because of you
The living dead. How is it that someone who has been gone over three years somehow is still present in my life? How can they continue to enter into my thoughts? Why do I continue to ask her questions, when I know I won't receive a response? How are you still so present? Why do … Continue reading The living dead.
I miss you. And we are all doing well. And that's what really gets to me. The fact that you are no longer in this world. Someone who made my life better every day - just by knowing you were out there, but no longer... And yet, we are all moving forward. Because life without … Continue reading We are okay.
The permanence of death - It is something you never really contemplate or understand until it's thrust upon you, and then your brain doesn't even allow you to comprehend it. You try over and over to understand, "This person will no longer be in your life, you will not see them ever again, you will … Continue reading Permanent Death
As I reflect over the past year and all the changes that have occurred, I can't help but think of you, Ryane. It has been 3.5 years without you. Today marks the fourth birthday that I have to celebrate without you in the world. In some ways, it has gotten easier. Now when I start … Continue reading Happy 24th, Ryane.
Suffocation. Do you know the feeling of loss? It's the feeling of your throat closing up. Breathing is difficult. You begin to suffocate, as if the world without them no longer has oxygen. How am I supposed to breath without them? They were my oxygen. My reason for living. The person I turned to for … Continue reading Asphyxiation