Not okayness

You know what is still the most prevalent thought regarding my sister, Ryane. The fact that she will never "be" again. She will never stand by my side. She will never laugh at one of my jokes. Come on vacation with me. Walk with me through the park. Live with me in an apartment, as … Continue reading Not okayness

Pain with Love, and Love with Pain.

So much pain in the world. Of course, as a social worker, I am taught to acknowledge the pain, but always lead with the positive. Lead with the strengths, the lessons to learn, the positives throughout all the negatives. But that pain is still there. It's caused by uncontrollable factors in the world. Parents who … Continue reading Pain with Love, and Love with Pain.

The fallacy of the world

I am sure for those who have been following my blog for awhile many of you may think - "Oh, she must be doing better - Her grief most be lighter, her burden not as heavy..." Or maybe you understand the inner workings of grief and know that each day is different from the last. … Continue reading The fallacy of the world

The living dead.

The living dead. How is it that someone who has been gone over three years somehow is still present in my life? How can they continue to enter into my thoughts? Why do I continue to ask her questions, when I know I won't receive a response? How are you still so present? Why do … Continue reading The living dead.

We are okay.

I miss you. And we are all doing well. And that's what really gets to me. The fact that you are no longer in this world. Someone who made my life better every day - just by knowing you were out there, but no longer... And yet, we are all moving forward. Because life without … Continue reading We are okay.

Permanent Death

The permanence of death - It is something you never really contemplate or understand until it's thrust upon you, and then your brain doesn't even allow you to comprehend it. You try over and over to understand, "This person will no longer be in your life, you will not see them ever again, you will … Continue reading Permanent Death

Asphyxiation

Suffocation. Do you know the feeling of loss? It's the feeling of your throat closing up. Breathing is difficult. You begin to suffocate, as if the world without them no longer has oxygen. How am I supposed to breath without them? They were my oxygen. My reason for living. The person I turned to for … Continue reading Asphyxiation

“The Next Right Thing”

Spoiler alert: If you have not seen Frozen II, then read at your own risk. ... I want to applaud Disney for touching on one of the hardest topics in the most realistic way... the loss of someone you love and what grief feels like. The song "The Next Right Thing" takes on the challenge … Continue reading “The Next Right Thing”

Dissipate the Darkness

It's crazy how death and loss creates a wound. One that never fully heals. And like any wound can reopen at any moment. These awful moments in our life. The moments you used to think "that would never happen to me." But when it does you are shocked. The worst moments of our lives. When … Continue reading Dissipate the Darkness

Without them

It's like a ticking time bomb. One minute you are in the present. The next you are thrown into a memory. Not by choice. And you leave the present to be there. To experience it as if it is all that exists. It replays. It must have been triggered by something? Or maybe not? It … Continue reading Without them